I feel so alone. I hate this feeling. I was surrounded by friends today, which I haven’t done in a while, but I still feel a deeper loneliness. Loneliness is probably one of the most uncomfortable emotions for me to feel. When I’m lonely, I usually want so badly to binge, purge, cut, and/or drink. I won’t though. Being around old friends today actually helped me see how much progress I’ve made. One of the friends I saw today, I hadn’t seen since before going into treatment. Honestly, for years before going into treatment, my life was just a blur. I was never present. I always remained very detached because if I let myself be present, I knew I would break down. That’s why I’m glad I was hospitalized and went to treatment. I hated it in the moment. It was the hardest, most frustrating thing I’ve ever done. Sometimes I still hate this idea of recovery and just want to say fuck it all. But giving up isn’t an option, and getting help was necessary. I was given a safe place where I could break down, which allowed me to eventually come back and rebuild a life for myself. Now my goal is to make this a life that I live, not one I watch pass by.
3 notes · #depression #recovery #eating disorder #addiction #bulimia #health #lonely #ramblings