Why is recovery so hard? I love my job. I love my boyfriend. I love this city. Why are these urges getting so much stronger now that I’m so much happier?

Today I went to Whole Foods to get lunch. I started putting food from the hot food bar into a box. At some point, the amount and types of food I put in the box turned from being the healthy lunch I had planned to get to “binge food.” I knew I couldn’t eat the food without purging, so I just left it on a store shelf when nobody was looking. I feel bad for wasting the food, but l do believe it was the best thing I could do for myself because I avoided bingeing and/or purging.