Therapy is so so difficult lately. It’s hard to get anything out. Maybe I just don’t have much to say. I have stuff on my mind though. I guess I just don’t know how to express it. It’s frustrating. I feel like I’m wasting my time in therapy. My progress has plateaued. I guess I’m in a decent place. I’m maintaining a healthy weight, and I feel mostly in control of my behaviors, but…I just feel stuck.

I’ve never really been on the other side of an addiction: having someone I love so much struggle with an addiction. I don’t know how to help. I guess I know what did and did not help me. I just want to say and do the right things. I want to fix everything for him, but I know I can’t. It has to come from him. I love him so much, and I want him to be happy.

is it weird to email my old therapist and thank her for being so patient with me when I was in the depths of my eating disorder/depression/self-harm?

I haven’t felt this depressed in a long time, and I have no idea how to cope with it in a healthy way.

I can’t think of anything more desirable than the idea of just going to sleep and never waking up.

kidsontherunn:

ok so the concept of recovery boggles my fucking mind. like how the hell do you destroy what’s destroying you without destroying yourself. too much destroying going on. where’s the peace?

(Source: kidsontherunnn)